Grieving Draco and feeling guilty

Kschuck · Post » Sat Jun 06, 2020 2:24 pm

I lost my beloved Draco 2 days ago to a bladder stone and feel pretty sure that if I had acted quicker he would still be here with me.
He was about 5.5 years old and since I adopted him 4 years ago, there was almost constant intermittent blood in his urine. I have access to a great vet and took him many times. Sometimes there was something visible on the x-ray, other times not. Sometimes the blood would just stop with no intervention. When he was about 3, I noticed a slight squeak when he urinated, so I took him in and vet found he had a large stone. I was very nervous about surgery, but he came through just fine. I followed the vets suggestion of low calcium diet very strictly and gave 2 meds per day. In short, I wanted to do everything I could to help prevent another stone. In the following 2.5 yrs, there were more blood spots that came and went, but he was great. Recently I saw blood again but I didn't act immediately. I did monitor him to see if he had pain during urinating. He didn't at first, but then he did so I called to make an appointment. But they were booked out 2 weeks. While I waited, he got painful and I went to an emergency vet since it was a Sunday. They took him back and I had to wait in my car for 4 hours before they got to him. The whole time I was so scared - not knowing if he was alive or dead. Finally the vet called me and said he has a large stone but it wasn't a big threat to block because it wouldn't fix in the urethra. (I now know this was wrong) So I was relieved.
My appointment with his regular vet was 5 days away, so I called to make sure they got the records. I was able to get an appointment with a different vet the next day, so I brought him in. They gave him supportive care and said it was great that he would be seeing the surgeon in a few days. The next day he was back to his normal self, eating and drinking. I was so happy to see that. I made sure I saw that he was urinating. talked things over with another vet Wednesday night. On the day before his appointment, he didn't want to eat and I noticed very few poops. It looked like he was straining, but I hadn't seen that behavior. So I called vet and they said he better come in right away. Luckily, they made room and took him back right away. X-ray showed the stone moved down and the vet said he would do everything, but if it's lodged and can't be reached or flushed, nothing could be done. They did surgery right away and called me a bit later. The vet said it was lodged, out of reach and when he flushed, there was liquid entering where it shouldn't, indicating torn urethra. So nothing could be done.
I was so devastated. If I had insisted on getting him in just a few days earlier, if I had done an emergency drop off, and surgery was done even one day earlier, he would still be here. I just can't get past my missteps. I loved him so much but I feel like I failed him. I miss him terribly and just feel he had more life to live. He was so fun and happy. They have a large living space to roam free and when I took them outside, he was so happy. He would lie in the sun in a way that I could tell he was enjoying it. So I know I have gave him a great life, but I can't get past the feeling that he shouldn't have died. It didn't have to happen. He was 5.5 yrs old, but very healthy and full of vigor. And I could have done more.
And now his buddy, Lily is left alone. She is 6.5-7.5 yrs old and is dealing with osteodystrophy condition associated with satin breed, but was been doing well thanks to excellent vet care. She is spayed and Draco was an intact male, so she has had to endure alot of mating attempts, but they got along well and were together for 4 years. I don't want to have guinea pigs forever, but I want her to be happy. She doesn't really like to be handled so I don't know if human interaction is enough. Plus I can't be there as much as another pig.
Sorry this is so long and mostly I felt the need to write this for anyone who has a stone pig and how hard it is too know what to do. But that things can go wrong very quickly. I was lucky to have access to a great vet so I am grateful that he didn't go through a painful death
And also because I know everyone here understands what this kind of loss feels like. I am so devastated and sad, I don't know where to turn.
Thank you for reading.

Sef · Post » Sat Jun 06, 2020 6:03 pm

First, let me say that I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. Bladder stones can be so difficult to deal with, as many of us here are all too aware. I've personally lost quite a few guinea pigs (all male) to bladder stones over the years, and it really never gets any easier.

Next, I want to say that it's far too easy in hindsight to say "I should have..." or "If only I had..." Unfortunately, we can't know can't know what the outcome of any situation will be; we can only make the best decisions that we can, based on the information at-hand and the resources available at the time. We do all our best; at the end of the day, it's really all we can do. Even the most seasoned pet owner has painful moments of self-doubt and regret, but it's really not fair to put that heavy burden on our shoulders---especially when we're already burdened with the pain of loss.

It really does sound like you made the best decisions that you possibly could. There is no way to know if acting sooner or making different choices would have changed the outcome. Every surgery comes with risks, and I have found bladder surgeries to be particularly difficult for certain pigs.

I know it's still very fresh and raw for you right now, but please know that you are not to blame for this. You didn't put that stone in his bladder; instead, you provided the best care that you could. Some things are just out of our hands. Please try to remember that Draco knew how much you loved him and that you would have done anything for him. He would not want you to beat yourself up over what happened.

Sending you a gentle hug and my deepest condolences.

Kschuck · Post » Sat Jun 06, 2020 7:12 pm

Thank you so much for your reply. Your words have helped me. I appreciate it. I just am so incredibly sad. It's reassuring to hear that I am not alone dealing with the stone issue and trying to best help our pigs live their best lives. I think the pain of losing him is just too raw, like you said. I just felt he was meant to have some more time with me and Lily. I wish there could be some medical advancement to find a way to minimize or stop stone formation!

Post » Sat Jun 06, 2020 9:14 pm

I am so very sorry for your loss. It is so easy to second guess ourselves, even when we are doing the best we can. I hope in time your memories will be less painful, and that the happiness and joy you shared bring you comfort.

You have all our sympathy.

ItsaZoo · Post » Sun Jun 07, 2020 1:36 am

I'm so sorry you lost Draco. It sounds like you gave him a very good life and did everything you could when he was having health issues. As others have said, it's easy to look back and think of things you should have done, but at the time it's not always that simple. It sounds like bladder stones were a chronic issue, so there's no way of knowing how successful a different treatment would have been.

Take care of yourself and give Lily extra attention to help you both get through this difficult time.

Bookfan · Post » Sun Jun 07, 2020 10:35 am

I think most of us question ourselves. We've have so many posts similar to yours, and they're from conscientious owners. I've had many pigs with stones and lost a few. I'm so sorry you lost Draco. Sounds to me like you did everything you could.

Post » Mon Jun 08, 2020 9:00 pm

I lost a pig very similarly. He was OK until he wasn't. I took him to the vet right away, but she called me when he was in the OR and said she couldn't get the stone out without causing major damage. We opted to let him go instead of waking him up and bringing him home. It sucks. It happens. I'm so sorry it happened to you.

daisymay · Post » Sat Jun 13, 2020 1:37 pm

I am so sorry for your lost of Draco(Harry Potter fan-Draco and Lily?). It's never easy to lose a pet to out live them and have to say good bye. To feel the guilt the unknown, the lost and the pain in your heart that hurts so much you think your heart will break!

You did all you could and you loved Draco and he knows that and I bet he is up at the bridge telling all the other pets how lucky he was to have had you as a slave. Sending big hugs to you and Lily! Be easy on yourself.

RIP Draco, run free in perfect health and popcorn in paradise. Eat the fresh luscious grass until you meet again. So much loved so sorely missed!

Renonvsparky · Post » Sun Jun 21, 2020 3:46 am

Kind of late, but I'm very sorry for your loss. I can sympathize with what you are going through. My Scruffy passed from what the vet believes was a bowel obstruction. It was related to a massive bowel infection 10 months prior. He squeaked quietly all day as though he was in pain and passed away that night. I tried comforting him to no a ail. I felt (and still do feel) that had I paid more attention I would have noticed that he wasn't passing droppings and taken him to his vet.

I was so overwhelmed with the guilt that my daughter had to point out to me that it was a Saturday and Reno doesn't have an emergency after hours exotic vet unless you want your Guinea pig euthanized. He wouldn't have been able to get in until 2 days later. I still get comfort from the fact that he survived the bowel infection that would have killed most pigs and we got another fabulous 10 months to love and care for him. It also helps us to know that he didn't die alone in the middle of the night and held on long enough for all of us to get in a proper goodbye.

I still miss him so much that I tear up sometimes, but there are no more regrets about the way he went at such a young age of 2. No regrets about the love and care we gave him. It helped having Mr Bubbles, Sammy and Dean to love and care for. They could sense that I was hurting and they provided much needed comfort. Seeing them flourish along with BJ, Oreo, Ginger and Maryann is a reminder that I'm doing right by these precious pets and giving them the best care.